This is a very small one

You know what stinks?

Durian Fruit.

Really, I think it’s misnamed. I think THIS should be called Dragon fruit. Dragon fruit is beautiful and soft and luscious and not “dragony” at all. This beast has vicious spikes, and it has dragon breath that would knock a buzzard off a trash heap. 

I actually have no way to describe the stench: dirty socks, death, rotten trash, those come somewhat close.

Oh, oh, here ya go: the smell of my boys’ Keens on day six of a rainy cycle trip when they’re inside the tent overnight and in the morning our eyes are so red from the scent that it looks like we had a long night in a coffee shop in Amsterdam. That sort of stench.

And this is BEFORE you crack that baby open.

There are signs on the train platforms in Bangkok barring admission of these fruit on public transportation. They really are, THAT BAD.

Being me, I bought one.

Of course I did, we have to try everything once! (Okay, not everything, I’m not eating the grilled roaches or mealworms. Period.) 

I bought the smallest one I could find and I poked my finger so deep that it bled when I was trying to get the blasted thing in a bag in the market. The vendor was trying very hard not to be obviously amused. She had her carefully crafted, “Look at this silly farang woman, she’s never had one of these before, clearly,” smile pasted on, in Thai style.

It sat in the house for two days before I had time to deal with it. The entire time the house stank. The catalyst for action was coming home one afternoon from the beach and opening the door only to be hit by a wall of death scent. 

It was with great trepidation and more cut fingertips that I approached the “King of all fruits.” 

Here are the results:  

The skin is very thick, and inside are pods of soft fruit, the consistency of banana.

Within the pods are large brown seeds with thick skins. These are edible too.

There are several pods of fruit within each Durian, hence the odd bumpy shape of the fruit.

We tasted it raw: banana, meets coconut, meets almonds. Not bad. We all liked it, but the consistency was kind of a deal breaker.

mashing the fruit

So I decided to try to make Durian bread (like banana bread) with it.

This was a raging success. The kids INHALED it. So, so tasty.

Since the seeds are edible, of course I had to try that too, so I peeled them carefully.

SO SLIMY!!

Then boiled them (they’re poisonous raw)

 Then sliced them (look how slimy they are, even after you cook them… see the slime between my fingers?)

Then toasted them with a little salt. They were good.

Verdict: We love Durian fruit as bread, but it has too major detractors: it’s a LOT of work and it STINKS so badly that we can’t stand it.

We tried it. We liked it. We won’t buy another.

Here are some fun facts:

• Thailand is the biggest exporter of Durian in the world.
• These babies get really big and their trees are really tall, as much as 50 m sometimes. 
• They fall out of trees and kill people! Dangerous! Like a dragon!
• Their scent is really hard to get off of your hands, but apparently the skin emits something like lye that helps, so you can run HOT water through the peel and use that to wash your hands and it helps de-stink you. 

I tried it… and it WORKED!

Oh… and one more thing:

What smells worse than a Durian fruit in the house?

A Durian peel rotting in a tropical trash can… I gagged when I opened the can to add a bag this morning. PEEEEEE—-EEEEEWWWW!

Here is the link to the recipe we modified to make our bread. Apparently Durian is available in the freezer section in some American groceries stores, if you want to give it a try!