Life: Reboot
June 22, 2012 in Asia, Thailand, Travelogue
Just when you think it can’t possibly get any worse, it doesn’t. At least not for you.
Hannah this morning
My house is full.
My kids are rockin’ out to some music I can’t stand this morning while they go about their chores. Gabe is sweeping the kitchen, final clean up after Ezra’s egg and plate flinging experiment this morning. Hannah is washing dishes, tricked out in her bandana and “Live Your Dreams” shirt. Elisha is starting laundry. Ezra is looking for a hairbrush, which he sorely needs to find. His hair is in that horrid “wooly” stage that occurs just before it all decides to settle down and grow out nicely.
I have a cup of tea, my second. The Man is working. All is well, on our end of the island.
On the other end of the island, there is a family grieving.
Yes, you read that right.
How is it that the sun keeps coming up when someone’s baby dies? There’s something wrong about that.
As you know, if you’ve been reading along, death is a theme this month in our lives. There are seasons like that, I suppose. They serve to give us the wake up call we need, the perspective that slips away with little irritations like a plate of eggs tossed across the kitchen and shattering all over the tile floor by accident.
And then, sometimes, in the shadow of tragedy beyond description, you’re in the shower, thinking: “Okay, pull yourself together, you’ve got this call and it’s important, get your head in the game,” and all of the other things we tell ourselves to keep breathing even though we know that the world should screech to a halt and honor the life of a child and the immeasurable suffering of a family. You’re pulling it together, you wash away a layer of something you know you should hang on to in favor of keeping an appointment, and the appointment turns out to be exactly the right thing at the right moment.
You know those points in life where the stars align and your passions align and you look at a complete stranger and it just works?
You see a combined purpose and a combined possibility and you think to yourself, “You know, this really might just change the world… or at least some lives… which is the same thing, right?” I had that moment last night, after the news of the death of baby Trek.
My first thought this morning when I woke was, “Life:Reboot.”
That’s the take home message. Of Trek’s short life. Of the conversation to the opposite side of the world. Of all of it.
I waste too much time. I have to focus. I need to narrow it down, do the stuff that matters, channel my energies. I’m famous for having fifty projects on the go, and truthfully, I work better under pressure. I love working hard at things that inspire me, and it could be argued that too many things inspire me.
The Dude I talked to last night said one thing that stuck with me: “Our goal is to be absolutely #1 in the world at what we do.” And what they do is well defined, getting better defined every year, in fact.
So these are my questions for you this morning, and for me as well:
- What is it that you are passionate about?
- How are you going to change the world with the time and resources you have?
- What is your big goal?
- Your life’s purpose?
- How can you narrow your focus, cut the fat and do the things that really matter?
- Do you have the guts to?
- And if we do, then what?
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I’ve just been thinking the same things lately, largely inspired by your family and the Ingram family. Is this really what I want for my life? Are we going where we want to go? What are my goals? How do I get there?
Also, I’m hugging my perfectly healthy little boys a little tighter today and being thankful that I have them here to make noise and mess up my house.
Thanks for continuing to inspire me.
Mary
You’re welcome Mary, thanks for continuing to read. Living intentionally… it’s a continual challenge.
When I was pregnant with our 3rd, a neighbouring family of (then) 9 lost their youngest, age 3. In the most freakish of inexplicable accidents the father ran over her in their driveway. She died in her mother’s arms (a former nurse) who noticed the front door open and found her in the driveway. This amazing dad didn’t even know immediately and was almost halfway down the street before his brain registered the “bump” he had felt. Anyways, when I went to take the baby to the pediatrician for her 1 month checkup the doctor asked how I was handling having three kids under age 4. I told him, “There is no other option but to be fine and know that whatever is not going well will pass soon enough- I have seen the other side when that option is taken away.” Life continues even in the midst of horrific tragedy. All you can do is honor the ones you lose by learning well the lessons it teaches you and living robustly and consciously.
These are the questions we should ask ourselves not once, but over and over, because the answers are not and should not be set in stone. They get to the core of who we are as individuals and what we want to do with our lives and for humanity and the world.
The death of someone we know has such a way of focusing us and forcing us to look through a critical lens at what we are doing, why, whether we should be doing them and what we should be doing instead. If it doesn’t do that for a person, I’m not sure what would. I’ve always taken solace in the old saying that “Only on the darkest nights can we see all the stars.” It’s often only in our darker moments that we see what is truly important. At least that’s been true in my life.
Thanks for the reminder, Jenn. I can always use it.
Hey Jenn, Thank you for writing about such a difficult and sensitive topic. A very Tough subject & inevitably real fact of life- I’ve known how to grieve with others- I hope I can be strong when I loose a parent. When it is a child I can only feel my heart drop into my stomach thinking about it. Through life over the past 16 years,..I have to give the credit for my strength- Thanks and Praise to God for taking Glen & I through some really scary times when Meredith & Elijah were so sick in the hospital (one open heart surgery @ Boston childrens, the other acquired childhood illness that damaged his heart-aorta & arteries…both fine now but at the time it really tested our faith…and I just want to say about that,..it wasn’t easy to let go.. if it didn’t have a happy ending for us…. but we both knew God is good no matter what- the giver & taker..is also our sustainer.) so that is the closest to relating this as I know and answers for me my passion & purpose to life- serving Jesus by living for him, honoring & glorifying God. How?Continuing what I’m doing but honestly my Goal is to get into the world more and I feel like I have been doing that.. a bigger impact on my co workers & place that I work than in the church because people are more curious about Life & searching for answers (meaning there has been more ministry & chances to share my faith). One way to narrow that focus is not to get wrapped up in the petty stuff that happens in a church family when there isn’t unity (Christians can sometimes be their own worse enemy) and focus on the larger picture-What God has called me to do,..so in a way, this answer convicts me because I tend to trip here because I try to please people too much and want to fix problems & I need to stop doing that. Like I said Jenn, good post- made me think!! I have Gods guts- lol,..if I really let him have me,..but as far as changing the world- maybe my little part of the world,..lets start with maybe the Lakes region or Franklin NH,..yea that’s a good one,..i would like to get as many people as possible to stop living in the past & the dumps about the little town of Franklin & start being more positive & having a good attitude. 🙂
Thanks for such a thoughtful reply Marisa. Life is not an easy thing.
You’re welcome Bobby… glad it resonated, I wrote it for me, mostly. I like that quote too… but many are the completely starless nights too in this life. Lots of introspection lately.
Wise words Lee, born out of a tragedy I can’t even imagine. You’re right though, there is no real option but to keep going, to know that time will carry us away from all things, even if we carry them through time forever in our hearts. I appreciate your input.
Oh my, the news.
A lot of souls departing on that longest day of the year, when the most sun shines down on us. A way to burn away some of the grief, with the biggest dose of rainbow light the world gets in a year? Solstice was the ten year anniversary of the death of the most charismatic, brightest renaissance man of my high school dying too young from brain cancer, and of the death of a midwife collegue who died giving birth, so her it was a motherless dughter’s 4th birthday.
Souls seem to come and go near Solstice.
I just was introduced to Anne’s family and Treks family a few months ago when I found their blogs, your blog, when researching travel options….
So sad, so true that this time is all we get.
I am in Sweden, and spent a few days in Astrid Lindegrens story world and home town this week, learning about her, being inspired by the quote from the Brothers Lionheart by Astrod Lindgren.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Brothers_Lionheart
If you have not read it, do, it is my grief gift to you. It shows life is meant to be an epic, and the weak brother learns “There are things you must do, otherwise you are not a human being, just a bit of filth.”
Life is meant to be a saga, full of ups and downs and fighting for the good true and beatiful even when our voices waiver and we think we do not haver the strength.
Blessings on the departed souls and grieving hearts.